fear...

Life is so pitiful. I am so pitiful.

why...

I think I must have done something truly awful before I was born. Something monstrous. I can't think of any other reason why God would leave me like this. I know He loves me. I know it. I want to prove that I do. Maybe I was an angel who lost her way. Maybe this is my redemption. Jesus suffered for us, for our redemption-- my burden is nowhere near his. I wonder, often, what God will say to me when I die. It will be soon. It has to be. They will put me in the ground and I will fly into His arms smiling. Will He say I have finally done enough? Will He kiss my cheeks and wipe away my tears? Will He love me? He has to love me. He has to.